Springing

I am so excited that it's spring and almost summer. And I have some great news to share with you amongst all the new blooming flowers and trees: I am healthier!  I checked in at Curves today and found out that I have gained muscle, lost 20 lbs water weight, lost 18 lbs of body fat, making my body fat percentage a lot smaller, and I am only 5lbs of body fat away from being at a regular BMI!!  That's huge! I have really amazed myself!  And my coach gave me a great idea that I am going to share with you on how to get even more motivated to push myself a little harder to work out at least 5 times a week.  She has gotten to know me, and for those of you who do know me, know that I am a very kind person and very compassionate to the point where I forget to take care of myself. I basically can wear my heart on my sleeve.  Well, her idea is that instead of making rewards for meeting small goal weights (losing 10 lbs every 3 months) I can add doing something for someone else as a goal.  For example, my goals will look like this:
  
   247 START CURVES (DONE!)
   237 Hair Done
   Get the word out about my friend's need for supplies for an event she is hosting. (This takes place between my 10 lb loss goals)
   227 Pedicure
   Take my young family friend geocaching. (I am going to be doing this next week, hopefully!)

Basically, it's reversing my motivation: doing something for someone because of doing something for myself.  Pretty neat, huh!  My coach came up with this :)

My coach also informed me that I should be at my goal weight of 120 by next year if I stick with my plan and have a few set-backs through the year.  And even though I gained weight back from losing it the last time this time I will have more muscle to show when I get to 190, so I will look even better than the last time I was at 190.  So, I am learning that there are benefits to trying again that path towards weight-loss.

I am all ready seeing a difference in my face and body

Really, weight-loss is a journey, not a perfectionistic idea, if I want it to work for me. Cuz let's face it nobody's perfect and I sure as hell do not want to be perfect. I want to be healthier!

Inspirational Song on my mind: "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel :)

@)}-,--'---

Lack of posts

Hi to those of you who have been reading my blog,

  Thank you for your dedication to my life stories on here. *runs away and hides* 

So, I have some pretty cool things to share on here of updates and some realities :)

I joined Curves and it's been helping me a lot in my confidence, strength, endurance, getting a challenge each time, and weight loss.  I have lost 20 lbs actually.  And as I have been thinking about that I have been thinking that no matter the loss I need to celebrate it somehow, so I started a specific, measurable, achievable, written, time (SMART) goal list of what I can reward myself when I meet a 10-lb loss goal.  And I was amazed how easy it looked to lose the weight when I wrote it down.  Of course, it's not always going to be easy and it will take time like everything else good that you have to work hard for.  My first reward is to get my hair done which I am planning to do very soon because I completed that, and the second one is to get a pedicure. 

...Okay, so let's talk reality now--behind my achievements and smiles there lies sadness and despair--not with anything to do with here but somewhere else that I can still feel strongly tied to sometimes and easily get overwhelmed by and depressed.  It has helped me to be thankful for my husband because I can lean on him during this time of suffering and I have been learning to embrace all of the emotions that come up from it...I am being subtle on here because it's too painful to talk about in detail, for once.  I am usually very detailed and less general, but in this case, I don't want to talk about it on here, just how it's affecting me.  And this is the reason I talk about how it's affecting me because each time that I go to CURVES and workout I am taking a step towards taking care of myself first.  It's like I have a choice to value myself.  When I choose to not do that I am not valuing myself and I have been catching myself doing that--when I decide to and when I'm not deciding to value me.  God's been showing me how I have conditioned myself to be as opposed to how I need to be to take care of myself--to see myself in how God sees me, embracing my emotions that I would swallow and embracing the process of learning that I am at right now with my music therapy track.  So, it makes every difference in the world for me when I achieve one baby step towards health...This is really huge of me to share with all of you because usually I would rather hide it

as it's risky to expose the soreness of the emotional wound that I still have of which God is healing and it's going to take much time to be healed.  What are you embattling to reach your goal or to decide to value you?  It could be the thought of a sweet or salty treat or a broken record playing in your head of insulting words from yourself or someone else.  And, what is one thing that you can do today to value yourself?  Maybe go for a walk, journal, take a bubble bath, go for a run/jog, cuddle with a kitty or dog, or read a good book (while taking a bubble bath ;) )  I am trying to choose other outlets because when I get stressed I let myself have more than enough chocolate or candy, or I give in to something that someone else has made and wants to share with me even while I know I can't have it.  This also happens when I am experiencing symptoms of a bug or allergies that makes me sick--I start eating more junkfood!  Does that happen to you too? 

I would love to hear from you because then I won't feel like this blog is me talking to myself :) 

Love, Rose @)}-,--'--

Falling in Fall

I have noticed a theme for me this season.  I am a very symbolic deep thinker and life affects me very deeply.  Lately I have been thinking about how the fall reflects how it's okay to fall because if you look outside, the trees aren't criticizing each other or themselves for falling, so why should we?  It really is beautiful to fall.  Every leaf changes different colors too as each falls from a tree branch, especially out here, as you can see below:

Falling helps you to rise up again because that is the only direction you can go after you have fallen.  You can't go down anymore.  When you fall you also can find that you are grounded--you have something stable to fall on.  For the leaves, when they fall they fall on the ground. 

This is a reason that I have fallen in love with falling in the fall because as I fail time and time again or feel out of reach or when I want to spring up to the sky rather than fall to the ground, God has reminded me that I am not alone.  Others around me have fallen too.  I am not the only one who has fallen to the ground.  We each change differently from the fallings, like the leaves change different colors.  We may feel like nobody else will understand, but if you look around of those around you you may find that you have a lot more in common with each of your falls.

Last week I have fallen over and over again.  My practicum was scary for me because I really am starting out new with fresh ideas and not knowing if they are going to be successful with people in my music therapy sessions.  This week I have been recognizing how my failings (not playing the music therapeutically for the clients to connect to) has helped me to grow.  From that failure I can learn to play it with structure that connects to the clients, instead of to impress as I tend to do when I have a performance mind-set.  Therapy and Performance are very different.  I am learning how to be more therapeutically-minded and how to integrate performance with my authentic self when I perform for me (outside of sessions), rather than trying to impress those listening to me perform. 

With exercise, I am finding that I fell hard when I stopped exercising or didn't have a plan on how to incorporate exercise.  Exercise really helps me to feel good about myself and builds my confidence.  It also is a good time for me to study, let go of stress by talking with God, and see how far my body can be challenged physically just a little more than the last time.  I have all ready been noticing a difference since I have accepted what exercise means to me, that I am doing it for me.  Falling helped me to see that.  Falling helped me to force myself to see why I stopped exercising and why I need to do it for me and what I need from it. 

Getting up earlier to exercise may not feel good, but I need it for me!

Here's some pictures of my 5k training so far.  I have really thought long about entering a 5k and it always scares me to think about actually doing it because I never imagined that I would be heading in this direction.  Since training I have learned that I don't have to run or walk at the same pace.  I can change pace each time that I walk or jog.  For example, this last time when I walked 2 minutes and then jogged 2.5 minutes 6X, I broke it up in half that I would read a little for class and watch TV at other times, or read during commercials and watch TV so I could laugh.  I do well walking/running when I am distracted through reading for class, watching something that makes me laugh, or just talking with God, and organizing my thoughts.  So, when I do a 5k I think it would be good for me to compile a playlist, or maybe listen to an audiobook that helps me to concentrate on something interesting.  If you have done a 5k how do you focus until completion of the walk/run?

Ha ha I actually did more than 30 minutes as this pic was taken after I paused it when I completed my training for the day.

Most interesting food I ate recently: sweet & sour gummy worms with milk ( I am going to start featuring this in my blog because I don't have time to show everything I eat as I have one camera that you have to connect to the computer with, I spend time looking for the camera and cords, downloading, and then saving the pictures I want)--I would much rather spend that extra time with the camera stuff in hanging out with people, practicing, or playing a game.

Welp, I am off to practice guitar, prepare for a session tomorrow, investigate my profile...I have a lot to complete :)

Have a good night!

Post coming soon!

Hey all,

   Currently, I am on week 3, day 2 of walk/run 5k training.  After weighing myself before running and seeing that I gained 3 lbs over-night of gluten-free consumptions, I ran 30 minutes of 3 minute walk, 2min jog 6X. I also happened to get it in after work and right before class.  With 10 minutes to spare after my completed work-out, I drove from the fitness room to class and made it!  I felt amazing, strong, and light on my feet!

 I find that the times that motivate me the most to workout harder are the times when reality starts to set in place--the unwanted reality of gaining a tremendous amount of weight from not sticking with my workout regiment regularly and eating with balance.  The signals: pants get tighter in certain areas, bloating feeling constantly takes place, and appetite for healthier food diminshes, as well as a great lack of drinking 8 glasses of water per day and fatigue.  Anybody else find this motivates you?

New post to come soon with updated pics and workout, etc.

So much homework!!

Hey all,
  

   So like I said in the last post.  I still have to finish out my first workout team goal of the 28-day bootcamp and then I am tackling the couch to 5k.  I don't know if I will make it through, but I am sure going to try. 

Meanwhile, I am going to spend most of this weekend catching up on my reading for school. I have a lot!  But, I am happy that I actually am interested in what I am reading for a change.  Psychology is a very fascinating subject for me: why do people do the things they do?  Why do they react that way?  Why did that driver give me an inappropriate hand signal like I was driving too fast when he was demanding my husband and I get over in another lane, so he could get in front of us.  I am serious.  Drivers here in PA are very backwards.  Many of them are anyway.  This driver wanted us to get out of his way and I don't think he was a cop or private investigator, but he could have caused an accident.  And from the reactions he was making towards us like we were the crazy ones, I instantly was wondering why he was reacting the way he was.  What could have made him so upset and act so irrationally?  Do you have any driving stories like this?  I want to hear it. 

I'm thinking that maybe my reading will help me come up with ideas to answer my own questions:

Clinical insight

A psychoanalytic approach

Standard deviation or normal distribution applications to life questions

Psychodynamic focus

 A categorization of finding why on the surface and why at a deeper level.  And finding through a case-by-case basis.

This book is a result of my cat's impatience for food.  While I was sound asleep one morning he decided to snack on my music therapy guitar songbook.  Yuki is serious when it comes to food (he is our youngest cat pictured above begging for my attention while I worked out).  I don't even need an alarm clock because he will keep on meowing until I wake up or tearing up and biting on paper until I get up out of bed. 

Our other cat, William, likes to lay around and look cute so he can get food too.  They each have their own way of charming us to give them food.  Yuki meows 'mom' sounding meows or barks like a dog and William meows at an impressive high pitch and begs like a dog.  Here's a pic of William looking cute:

And, I am off to get some reading done!  Until next time :)

Have a fabulous weekend and stay warm.

Losing Weight by Starting from the Inside

Good mid-afternoon,
 
     I hope you all are having a relaxing Friday or at least planning to relax.  I am counting my blessings that I get to relax a little bit watching some tuneage, blogging, getting some studying done, getting activities together & homework assignments ready for my students, and planning and setting goals for my workout routine. 

I have shared on here how important routine has become for me.  It brings a normalcy that you can always come back to.  Getting there can be tricky, but I think that is another reason why exercise and eating proportionately are very important in lifestyle.  I love this time right now because I get to reflect on what values are most important to me and regroup my priorities and/or my focus so I can reach goals little by little. 

Like this: this is my new favorite drink and I found it for 100 calories :)

This is my new favorite salad and snack too (thanks to Krista)

Routine is something I struggle with and I think it's the main reason why I have constantly struggled with losing weight.  If I take it day by day making it a routine instead of spontaneously deciding what I want to do I feel more centered.  I am pretty spontaneous and I have recognized how spontaneity can be a bad thing for me that if I don't have a routine and merely make decisions on exercising by spontaneity then it will not happen and it will make me feel worse off.  Has anybody else seen the conflict of spontaneity vs. routine?  Spontaneity is great I think if you have a routine that you can get back into, your normalcy.  Finding that routine can be challenging if you are a spontaneous person by nature, I think as well.  So, there seems to be a process of finding that balance, for me, at least. 

 I want to recently update you on what I have been up to: 

Working out while Yuki was trying to get my attention: future example of what it's going to be like to be a mom--I think so :)

 I love working out at home.  This night was great because it was raining outside while I was sweating it up.  Check it out:

I got my workout from sparkpeople.com/  It's a great site for people with goals in mind that work together to accomplish their personal goals.  Mine is to lose weight.



(1) I have recently reached my last week of 28-day bootcamp (sparkpeople) and am planning to start another workout regiment of running and lifting weights.  We'll see how it goes.  I am not going to set expectations except for doing it :)  The couch to 5k is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, but could not follow through with it at first because I realized that I had to lose weight on the inside first. So, some of that weight to come off was an unforgiveness.  I had to forgive by saying " I forgive you" each time something hurtful would come up in my mind.  It is really freeing.  I feel like I have lost weight on the inside and it's not as frustrating or angering to see me fall behind my goal.   It's like forgiving has helped me to become more patient with myself.  I am sure I will have those days that are really hard to see the reality of my weight compared to my goal, but I am enjoying the peace and contentment I have today of what God has done for me.  When I try to do it all on my own I get impatient with myself.  When I look at what Christ did for me I am strengthened.  Suffering produces perservance and endurance.  I think this is why I want to run.  I want to experience the physical suffering of disciplining my body to take the struggle with losing weight.  For those of you readers who have a relationship with God I ask that you pray for me that I will continue to endure the hardship of running when it gets really grueling.  I want to be able to say that I did that and turn the crown of glory over to our Father in Heaven who graciously gives us strength to endure. 

I really want to run a 5k some day and then maybe a triathlon.  When I was little I was very active.  I remember bicycling to the swimming pool to swimming all day and back to bicycling home.  That was an all day event.  I miss that amount of activity.  Granted becoming older means that I will not have that much energy as I did when I was a little kid and the reality is that I have more responsibilities at home, but darn it I really want to get close to that.

This morning, I had a lesson for guitar and my husband had to use the car to get to work a lot earlier than my lesson, so I chose to walk to my lesson.  It's not that far, but I have a large guitar to carry.  Walking while carrying my guitar was my weight-lifting for the day.  Have any of you readers had to carry something really heavy to walk somewhere?  I was a little sad that I was so exhausted from walking to my school campus, mostly because I used to be able to be so energized as a kid walking.  I want that feeling again!  Have any of you got that feeling back?  Tell me your story.  I want to hear it!  Your story is inspiring to me :)

Please comment below to share your thoughts on here!  I want to hear from you!!  I am going to add another blog soon because I am in a blogging mood and have a lot more updates to add.  And i have a ton of pictures to share!

Catch ya later.

Blog to come soon!  I have been adjusting to my new school schedule and have not had a chance to upload pics and content.  Stay tuned!! ;)  @)}-,--'---