Springing

I am so excited that it's spring and almost summer. And I have some great news to share with you amongst all the new blooming flowers and trees: I am healthier!  I checked in at Curves today and found out that I have gained muscle, lost 20 lbs water weight, lost 18 lbs of body fat, making my body fat percentage a lot smaller, and I am only 5lbs of body fat away from being at a regular BMI!!  That's huge! I have really amazed myself!  And my coach gave me a great idea that I am going to share with you on how to get even more motivated to push myself a little harder to work out at least 5 times a week.  She has gotten to know me, and for those of you who do know me, know that I am a very kind person and very compassionate to the point where I forget to take care of myself. I basically can wear my heart on my sleeve.  Well, her idea is that instead of making rewards for meeting small goal weights (losing 10 lbs every 3 months) I can add doing something for someone else as a goal.  For example, my goals will look like this:
  
   247 START CURVES (DONE!)
   237 Hair Done
   Get the word out about my friend's need for supplies for an event she is hosting. (This takes place between my 10 lb loss goals)
   227 Pedicure
   Take my young family friend geocaching. (I am going to be doing this next week, hopefully!)

Basically, it's reversing my motivation: doing something for someone because of doing something for myself.  Pretty neat, huh!  My coach came up with this :)

My coach also informed me that I should be at my goal weight of 120 by next year if I stick with my plan and have a few set-backs through the year.  And even though I gained weight back from losing it the last time this time I will have more muscle to show when I get to 190, so I will look even better than the last time I was at 190.  So, I am learning that there are benefits to trying again that path towards weight-loss.

I am all ready seeing a difference in my face and body

Really, weight-loss is a journey, not a perfectionistic idea, if I want it to work for me. Cuz let's face it nobody's perfect and I sure as hell do not want to be perfect. I want to be healthier!

Inspirational Song on my mind: "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel :)

@)}-,--'---

Lack of posts

Hi to those of you who have been reading my blog,

  Thank you for your dedication to my life stories on here. *runs away and hides* 

So, I have some pretty cool things to share on here of updates and some realities :)

I joined Curves and it's been helping me a lot in my confidence, strength, endurance, getting a challenge each time, and weight loss.  I have lost 20 lbs actually.  And as I have been thinking about that I have been thinking that no matter the loss I need to celebrate it somehow, so I started a specific, measurable, achievable, written, time (SMART) goal list of what I can reward myself when I meet a 10-lb loss goal.  And I was amazed how easy it looked to lose the weight when I wrote it down.  Of course, it's not always going to be easy and it will take time like everything else good that you have to work hard for.  My first reward is to get my hair done which I am planning to do very soon because I completed that, and the second one is to get a pedicure. 

...Okay, so let's talk reality now--behind my achievements and smiles there lies sadness and despair--not with anything to do with here but somewhere else that I can still feel strongly tied to sometimes and easily get overwhelmed by and depressed.  It has helped me to be thankful for my husband because I can lean on him during this time of suffering and I have been learning to embrace all of the emotions that come up from it...I am being subtle on here because it's too painful to talk about in detail, for once.  I am usually very detailed and less general, but in this case, I don't want to talk about it on here, just how it's affecting me.  And this is the reason I talk about how it's affecting me because each time that I go to CURVES and workout I am taking a step towards taking care of myself first.  It's like I have a choice to value myself.  When I choose to not do that I am not valuing myself and I have been catching myself doing that--when I decide to and when I'm not deciding to value me.  God's been showing me how I have conditioned myself to be as opposed to how I need to be to take care of myself--to see myself in how God sees me, embracing my emotions that I would swallow and embracing the process of learning that I am at right now with my music therapy track.  So, it makes every difference in the world for me when I achieve one baby step towards health...This is really huge of me to share with all of you because usually I would rather hide it

as it's risky to expose the soreness of the emotional wound that I still have of which God is healing and it's going to take much time to be healed.  What are you embattling to reach your goal or to decide to value you?  It could be the thought of a sweet or salty treat or a broken record playing in your head of insulting words from yourself or someone else.  And, what is one thing that you can do today to value yourself?  Maybe go for a walk, journal, take a bubble bath, go for a run/jog, cuddle with a kitty or dog, or read a good book (while taking a bubble bath ;) )  I am trying to choose other outlets because when I get stressed I let myself have more than enough chocolate or candy, or I give in to something that someone else has made and wants to share with me even while I know I can't have it.  This also happens when I am experiencing symptoms of a bug or allergies that makes me sick--I start eating more junkfood!  Does that happen to you too? 

I would love to hear from you because then I won't feel like this blog is me talking to myself :) 

Love, Rose @)}-,--'--