Thank you for your dedication to my life stories on here. *runs away and hides*
So, I have some pretty cool things to share on here of updates and some realities :)
I joined Curves and it's been helping me a lot in my confidence, strength, endurance, getting a challenge each time, and weight loss. I have lost 20 lbs actually. And as I have been thinking about that I have been thinking that no matter the loss I need to celebrate it somehow, so I started a specific, measurable, achievable, written, time (SMART) goal list of what I can reward myself when I meet a 10-lb loss goal. And I was amazed how easy it looked to lose the weight when I wrote it down. Of course, it's not always going to be easy and it will take time like everything else good that you have to work hard for. My first reward is to get my hair done which I am planning to do very soon because I completed that, and the second one is to get a pedicure.
...Okay, so let's talk reality now--behind my achievements and smiles there lies sadness and despair--not with anything to do with here but somewhere else that I can still feel strongly tied to sometimes and easily get overwhelmed by and depressed. It has helped me to be thankful for my husband because I can lean on him during this time of suffering and I have been learning to embrace all of the emotions that come up from it...I am being subtle on here because it's too painful to talk about in detail, for once. I am usually very detailed and less general, but in this case, I don't want to talk about it on here, just how it's affecting me. And this is the reason I talk about how it's affecting me because each time that I go to CURVES and workout I am taking a step towards taking care of myself first. It's like I have a choice to value myself. When I choose to not do that I am not valuing myself and I have been catching myself doing that--when I decide to and when I'm not deciding to value me. God's been showing me how I have conditioned myself to be as opposed to how I need to be to take care of myself--to see myself in how God sees me, embracing my emotions that I would swallow and embracing the process of learning that I am at right now with my music therapy track. So, it makes every difference in the world for me when I achieve one baby step towards health...This is really huge of me to share with all of you because usually I would rather hide it
as it's risky to expose the soreness of the emotional wound that I still have of which God is healing and it's going to take much time to be healed. What are you embattling to reach your goal or to decide to value you? It could be the thought of a sweet or salty treat or a broken record playing in your head of insulting words from yourself or someone else. And, what is one thing that you can do today to value yourself? Maybe go for a walk, journal, take a bubble bath, go for a run/jog, cuddle with a kitty or dog, or read a good book (while taking a bubble bath ;) ) I am trying to choose other outlets because when I get stressed I let myself have more than enough chocolate or candy, or I give in to something that someone else has made and wants to share with me even while I know I can't have it. This also happens when I am experiencing symptoms of a bug or allergies that makes me sick--I start eating more junkfood! Does that happen to you too?
I would love to hear from you because then I won't feel like this blog is me talking to myself :)
Love, Rose @)}-,--'--
